The Library by Spungingles

you will never understand the unbearable pain i endure every waking moment of my life.

i am continually surrounded by reminders of my past and continue to live in a constant state of fear.

i dread the most mundane of errands, because i know i will be reminded of my oldest son and it will cause me physical pain and possible harm.

i am in fear of my sons health, and he is just 7.

my middle son needs me for more, and i feel like i'm failing him.

i have sought out counseling, and it's helped, but to be honest, i'm not sure what i can do to help myself.

as much as it hurts me to say it, i have come to terms with my son's father not being around.

but every day that goes by, is a reminder of what could have been, and what could have been more.

i would give anything to have the father of my children here with me, raising them, helping me make decisions about my son.

if only that was his option.

i am so very thankful to have found another young widow in our town, and she has become a friend of mine.

she listens to my woes, and offers her prayers.

i know in time, she will help me see the light in my life again, and help me accept my new life.

that someday, i will be able to let go of the past and live in this life of mine.

i just have to find the strength.

on another note, a friend of mine just called and asked me to watch her dog so it is all good now :)