pyromaniac from serotonin by spiral staircase

Gone with my own painting
The whole house smelt of smoke
The whole place smells of chemicals
I sit smuggling the flame
I don't want you here
Although you may be art it's self
The fire feels warm
It nearly set my hair on fire
Kerosine
Paper towel
I set the painting burnt with fire
I painted it with blue to cover up the damage
I almost set the house aflame
No one was awake
I put the flame away
I wrote out a letter to my loved ones that said

I have been on a down- steady downward spiral for the past 5 years of my life
I cannot stress this enough
I have been having suicidal thoughts for years that have gotten worse
I have made plans several times I've talked to mom about it countless times
I've tried things to improve myself and seek like- help like therapy
Yet this depression has gotten to the point where I don't even want to make music
Recently I have lost all sense of danger
But something happened that made me realize how dumb i have become
I set my own artwork on fire
I nearly burnt the house down I don't even know why I did it
I just went completely dumb and did it
I thought it would be a tiny little burn on the paint but it set half of the piece on fire
It set half of the fucking piece on fire

Not once did it feel like I properly apologized
Everyone tells me not to play with fire
I'm trying to stop but it gets so hard
I just want to watch everything burn

Nobody ever found out
I never told a single soul
Not a single soul
Nobody found the burn mark
No one smelt the smoke
Who would've known
If everything got engulfed

Gone with my own painting

The rest of the letter reads
I panicked and snuffed it out by stomping it and smuggling it
But it left the basement slightly smoky and the smell left it-
The smell left behind was very strong
I realized I need to go and get real help
I just realized how bad it has gotten
I really want forgiveness and I know you are most likely furious at me
But I really want you both to hear me out on this
I'm sorry

I never showed them the letter

• Experimental
• Philadelphia