Mediation by Dylan Smith

This one's better approached as one long gooey song than four tracks.

For the last two months or so, in trying to get some things off the ground, I've been having to work with other people. Not with the creative process, thankfully, but with distribution and consignment. But because of that, there's long periods of being in this limbo state of the situation being out of your hands and waiting to hear how it develops on their end. And a lot of internal noise comes up when I'm stuck in limbo.

"Maybe they'll ghost you.
Maybe it'll be delayed another month.
Maybe they'll just change their mind halfway through.
Maybe it won't actually pan out at all and I invested all this time, effort, and resource in a wasted endeavor."

And all that noise is self-evidently not helpful to anyone. Especially because by that point it's out of my hands, so I really do just have to be PATIENT, and nothing else.
So for the last month, meditational soundscapes have been that butress to help contend with it. It doesn't go away, but I can engage with it from a place of stability instead of bombardment.

I think my impatience for situations like these has been fed by my stubborn work ethic. If something takes longer than I think it should (as though I know how long it "should" take), I think "fine then, I'll do it myself" and just pivot. And it often works, but at some point you're needing to engage with people in a way that you can't just "do yourself", and so that life lesson just gets stalled until you hit a brick wall. And further, I think that it has its roots in lack of trust, influenced by prior experiences with people in the past.

But just because the situation is similar doesn't mean they're the same type of people. Uncomfortable as it is, giving the people I engage with a little benefit of the doubt is probably for the better. And probably a little healthier. I think I'm getting better at discerning that.

But until I'm wholly comfortable with that, I just need a little mediation :)

Just a small town Alaskan artist and musician :)

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