The Saleswoman from The Drag by Sarah Marie Hughes

"The Saleswoman" is another piece of writing from my 2017 diary. I did not read the poem to anyone prior to the recording, but chose the piece spontaneously in response to Joey's opening statement on the keyboards. 

The writing is humorous and self-deprecating. It is based on a combination of feelings about my actual phone number, alongside my longtime conviction that I am a narcissist. My therapists would never agree with me on this self-definition because, they said, a narcissist does not define herself as such. However, I was convinced that my nagging assumption that upon walking into a room, I was the center of attention, meant that I was definitely a narcissist. An effect of this condition is that I always put on an act in order to manipulate how I am seen. Many of my writings during this time period deal with a sense of falsehood linked to a subconscious desire to sell a version of myself. I feel this preoccupation was exacerbated by the emergence of social media as a way to promote my career. 

The problem of being false, or putting on a disguise, is augmented by my certainty that even my physical perception is inherently flawed. I have a theory that the nature of my own perception is affected by some kind of deficiency in my body-- specifically a problem with the filtration organs. The resulting energy of this physical condition is an unaccepting and judgmental disposition.

My question is: could my disposition conversely be affecting the physical functioning of my organs?

Sarah Marie Hughes is a saxophonist and improvising artist.

sarahmariehughes.com