elider by Simon Aulman

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Here is another of my aimless guitar pieces - I must admit I'm not ashamed of these pieces tho I feel I should be - they are so easy and amateurish. But whenever I try to make them more interesting I just end up making them more boring. Impossible though that might seem. There was a very good chat on the radio a few days ago about bereavement - http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b05xd69q - I'm nervous of the smugness that infects people when they talk about their membership of an exclusive club - and the Grief Club is a club I'm not enjoying being in. It is much stranger than I expected - and stronger too - much worse. I really used to believe that I'd never be too badly affected. I cry a lot - and more and more as the weeks pass - that is something that surprises me. I do wonder what I'm crying at. Is it sadness for my wife, missing these beautiful warm days ? Is it self-pity ? It honestly doesn't feel like it. I think it might partly be regret that I wasn't the perfect husband. I wasn't bad - I was actually very good - and everyone says I was wonderful, the way I cared for her all the way to the end. She thought I was wonderful too. But I wasn't perfect - and that shortfall bothers me. I used to think MND was rare. But our coalman died of it about 18 months ago. And the father of one of my wife's best friends has it. And I am very very seriously thinking of going up and looking after him - he lives alone on a barge, currently near Macclesfield. I learnt so much, large and small, and I want to do it all again, this time without the mistakes that learners make when they're doing something at the one time when they most can't afford to make mistakes.