↑ Recent updates ↑ by rileybbtt
2/16/26
entering unhealthy levels of introspection
2/14/26
gotta get a website made
1/29/26
terrified
1/15/26
working on stuff im working on stuff. i promise you, me, im working on stuff.
1/12/26
its 2026 lets start acting like it.
i want to start anew. i want to finish projects. i want to get better. i want to fuck off with all this shit and get it out there. no worry, no care.
authenticity in being me is a frightening thing when i've kept myself from it for so long. it being me. myself and i. sometimes it'd be nice to die. then to come back after a while and pick up where i left off. it's just the pressure i put on myself to achieve all these things grows along side passing time, in my mind things are going, but that just might be me.
... point being, i...
1/5/26
thinking i'll call the next babbitt album something like '2425', or something with both 24 and 25 being used, signifying it's covering both years. these 'yearly collection' album concept thing i've found myself propagating is pretty niche and cool, but since there hasn't been once since 2023, thought covering both in one would be good, especially considering the number of 'finished' tracks these past years has decreased.
12/31/25
hey again. been another while. lets see what i've got going on now, what's bouncing around in the empty head of mine, what stream of consciousness writing will bring this time. well, i have a big project finally, EDMS. i won't go much into it aside from it is going to be the biggest video project/idea i've ever tackled before, and want to get it complete before 2 years go by. that is to say, that i want to and expect to be working on this all year, 2026. I'd like to, since myself, as well as others whom i've told the idea to have said it would be a really cool thing to exist, and that it should. so i got to work on it. it's been, up and down, like most things unfortunately. and i say unfortunately because as of right now things are down. but that being said, i've worked on this project in ways i haven't worked on anything in the past. change the process, change the outcome. i used to make music. i used to make maps. i used to make videos. hopefully i can use some of what i've made in the past, and the skills i've learned to do so, and either adopt them towards working on EDMS, or learn some new ones. i want this to work out well. please, please let this not be shit.
anyways, on a more personal note, life is going by, and that is fine. i'm trying not to worry about shit too much. i'm holding together. every end of the year terrifies me, so i'll keep it brief, i say after i already typed a whole lot. but the previous paragraph was mostly about my project work, so thats okay. and thats how i feel; if i were to talk about myself for that amount of text, i wouldn't feel the same way. i believe i am to be ignored, for the most part, and my time and energy is better placed in bringing attention to other things. things that inspire me. things that make me feel amazing, and loved, and unafraid, and raw and real. things i find beautiful. life is like show and tell, and i'd rather folks look at the things i brought than look at me.
so, idk, tmi. not many people will read this anyways, but if you are, thanks. thanks for sticking around. thanks for listening to anything i've made, or watching anything i've made, or reading anything i've made, or experienced in any capacity anything i've put into this world.
cya later
10/26/25
>>>7/17/25
9/11/25
need to not believe in the meaninglessness of my own voice. it's so tangled up. it's bringing everything down. nihilism perhaps. disconnected, disassociated. i know that what i'm doing right now is living my own life, but it doesn't feel like the life i've chosen, just the one i'm living. and to live is not enough, something i believe my soul feels, but not my ego. my mind. my mind has kept me from fully blooming into myself, kept me from borrowing my roots into each corner of my body, filling everything until i spill out of my own mouth in words and sounds. the creaking and snapping of myself within myself can finally breathe through my breaths, having both room to breathe and air to move and things to say and thoughts to do. all this mulling over, thinking things through, what will it get me except keep me from you?
contented. contended. contended. contended. contended. good.
8/22/25
i think i may be juggling too many projects. perhaps i should just focus on one for a while and work on it until i can't anymore. perhaps i should stream my progress again. perhaps i should not be afraid of being myself, even if i don't know exactly what that entirely means. a mirror might help inform me of who i am. at least, what's reflected. streaming does that. plus theres a slight bit of interaction, also a reminder to those who know who you are that you are currently alive. that's good. it's nice being alive. i don't want to die.
7/25/25
uploading my second video now
7/17/25
the desire to delete everything is still present.
i don't understand.
7/6/25
life is moving forward, as it always does. i feel like i don't know who i am.
6/30/25
i am up to 4 current projects. none of which are musical. i don't think so. anything can happen with them. which i like that. i like that they can change. i like that i have projects. i am now aware of the fact that i have projects to work on, and that makes me feel fulfilled in doing them. i just hope i can put my whole self into them. there are parts i'd rather leave behind.
6/19/25
read the first line of the last update, so guess i'm leaving an update
29
that is all
6/15/25
so basically every time i open this bandcamp site and click on the recent updates page, the one you're on right now, i make myself edit it and add an entry. so, the times in the past that have been long absences since updates were me just not opening the page. er, well, i don't know actually, but recently, and going forward, i would like to just keep myself to doing this. anyways.
the video uploads have been steady. finally got started on this project, whatever it is, and will see where it goes. for now, i have a good amount of the podcasts/videos/recordings/whatevers done prior to them actually being uploaded, giving me enough of a buffer between editing and uploading. basically, i have them edited way before they're uploaded, just so i can maintain a consistent uploading pattern. so far, it's been every other day. i like that rhythm and think i'll be sticking with that going forward. at least as things currently are. that schedule fits well. at the core of it, it'll be one day to edit, then one day to upload. uploading entails all the stuff outside of the actual editing of the video.
anyways. bday in 2 days. cool i guess.
thanks for reading. thanks for watching. thanks for listening
to me.
6/10/25
it begins
https://youtu.be/I9IMww8Cmbg
6/7/25
Update video
https://youtu.be/6T3b6rw08OI
thinking about posting this to all the bandcamps..... i think i will actually
6/3/25
https://www.youtube.com/@Rileybbtt
made my first post to my youtube page. 110 subscribers. i remember back when aimaiishitsu got 100 followers, or even my first soundcloud page. the small collection of people willing to dedicate the half-second time it takes to click a follow or subscribe button, multiplied by 100, is almost a full minute of collective time and energy put into my work from people around the world.
anyways, i'm going to get the ball rolling on all this stupid mulling and contemplating. i'm alive, i'm here now, time to do some shit instead of just thinking about doing some shit. will be posting a new video every week to the channel. stay tuned.
5/27/25
i think it's time to move on from ElDewrito. to anyone reading this from that community, farewell. it's been fun.
5/23/25
patreon was live for a day. couldn't convince myself to keep it up. the idea of providing something of value on a daily, let alone monthly basis, was just too much of a leap into my own self belief. that is to say, i thought i could convince myself that i had enough value to last the- the-... idk what i'm trying to say man. i really don't think it's worth thinking about. "What you think about expands". meaning, what you spent your energy thinking about takes up more space in your mind. it'll overwhelm you. just like this patreon thing.
here's the thing though, i still have some support links up. these are just individual, donation type support. a thanks. a boost in my spirits. something to keep me going another week whenever i receive one. something like that seems, for whatever reason, more manageable. as if to say it lets me feel okay not having any value for a few days a week.
idk what all of this is really trying to say. i still don't know what my value is in life. i think i lean heavily towards it being my work. what i make and what i do with my life. once i die, that'll be all that's left. well, that and memories. living in the memories and thoughts of others. gonna want to hope that those memories and thoughts are positive. more positive than the ones i project upon my own life. many people in my life have told me countless times that i'm too hard on myself. i wish i could see it through their eyes. please just tell me what i need to do.
on a side note - i'm completely done with the eldewrito community. it took a long time for me to realize what i've known all along, but had forgotten. that is, you are the company you keep. if anyone reads this from the eldewrito community, wondering where i am, know that i'm done. it was fun while it lasted. the game is dead, and i'm moving on.
... to what, i haven't figured out. kind of how i ended up back on this page to update something i find somewhat meaningful.
i saw a gorgeous sunset today
4/22/25
been a while again. man it's like the effects of divorce echo throughout the actions of my life in ways i can't comprehend. anyways, still here. still making stuff. still fucked. whatever. point of this update is that i'm starting a patreon again in the wake of the amount of work i've put into this mod pack for eldewrito having grown so much over the last few months. really, it's taken up so much of my time. taken me away from my life. kept me content.
is being content a bad thing, i wonder. in many periods of my life i've not moved, geographically or physically, much from the same location. yet i feel like internally i've moved miles. like a treadmill inside instead of jogging outside. or more accurately, like the thought of a treadmill instead of a treadmill inside. does that make sense? point is, i've started a patreon again. the whole community aspect of what i've been working on has sparked just the tiniest bit of hope (or delusion) that i can create something. foster something. that my words aren't just empty air carrying meaningless sounds to perpetuate an excuse for existing. it's nothing really that important, nothing life changing, nothing worth more than what i dictate it to be. which is why a patreon makes sense; you can set the amount of shit you think this shit is worth. i'm really writing about this whole thing super negatively. i think this is just my self-destructive side talking. i'm probably just upset at the first thing i typed in this update, being the date. seeing how long it had been since i updated this tiny corner of the internet. sorry, i don't want this to come across as being ungrateful or anything like that. i guess i just have difficulty keeping track of so many things. so i then fall prey to my standard overcast conceptions of nihilist denials. 'this isn't important', 'this means nothing', all that bullshit.
the real point is this: your support does matter to me. a whole lot. more than i can comprehend really. more than i'm willing to admit. it's scary, but the best thing i can do is to do my best to provide and keep making things i enjoy. and so far, throughout my life, the top 3 things i enjoy making just so happen to be some of the top 3 things people seem to like that i make; music, maps, and words. so, i'll keep making music. i'll keep making maps. and if you do end up supporting me on patreon and you join the discord and see me in a voice channel all alone working on my shit, i'll make some words.
damn, that went everywhere. check out the elsewhere places album on this bandcamp for a link to the patreon. thanks.
1/28/25
it never ends
also some stuff changed
music is slow
eldewrito
1/7/25
released best of 2023: https://babbitt.bandcamp.com/album/best-of-2023 idk what else to say. how come i haven't streamed so much lately? why didn't i do a release party on stream or something. fuck. fucking fuck. shitty fuck. maybe, but idk why i'm questioning it instead of doing it. getting in my own way. guess that's why this exists, to get these feelings out of my head, therefore out of my way, and then i can actually act instead of think. fuck. fucky fuck.
in non-music related news, i've been slightly more engaged with the eldewrito community, you know, that halo online thing, where i make maps and shit. i stream making maps, that's a main focus i guess of the stream idk. huh? what's going on? idk what i'm talking about right now. anyways, point is that i am doing things other than music, but i should do more streaming! my biggest hindrance is my voice, literally. that's it. just afraid to open my stupid mouth. i'm afraid of voicing these thoughts instead of writing them down right here, on a dusty webpage, where no one will read it. idk why i feel like this sort of material, or thoughts, or whatever, should be hidden away though. perhaps it's too recursive. just a tapestry instead of an image. a texture versus a pattern. i gotta come back to something.
i guess for now, i want that something to be streaming. i mean fuck, i streamed a hell of a lot a few years ago. only difference there was. well, a lot i guess. but i digress; streaming, that should be the thing.
12/16/24
have streamed 5 days in a row. nice. today i am depressed. i will not be streaming today. i don't know if i can keep up whatever facade of an identity i've been living with for very much longer with how i would like to move through life now. what does that mean? i think it means i want to accept not being happy all the time, and i need to take care of myself more. not just by making sure i eat and drink and whatever the fuck, but emotionally, inside. clean the measurements which aren't visible from the outside. if i'm too depressed to stream, that's okay, but i shouldn't feel the need to have to pretend to be happy on stream anyways. i should be fine being myself. and sometimes, myself gets depressed. no need to push myself to do a thing when i'm depressed just because i should feel the need to push myself to do a thing when i'm depressed because i should feel the need to push myself to do a thing when i'm depressed because i should feel the need to-
12/12/24 (2)
the name should have been rileybbtv
.... gotta wait 60 days
12/12/24
https://www.twitch.tv/rileybbtt
doing the streaming. said fuck it to the name. went with the thing. let's see where this goes.
12/10/24
"just your fucking name, who cares."
it's just my fucking name, who cares. rileybabbitt. one word, makes sense. rileybbabbitt, add the middle initial, more repeating letters, ties in with the repeating loop project and just constant thoughts i deal with. so that makes sense too. rileybbtt. lose the bs, keep the redundant. the patterns. two b's two t's. makes sense. all of those are fine.
11/21/24
what the fuck am i doing bro
11/1/24
back and forth. unsure how to move any direction besides back and forth. forward and backward are stuck on one axis. any direction is misdirection. what am i do to, who do i listen to? myself? maybe i should give that a shot. fuck what others think, i'm going to do what i think is best. and if you were ask me right now, as i'm typing this out, what i think would be the best thing for me, creatively, self-fulfilling, i'd say to begin a new chapter un-tethered to these aliases and names. these aren't supposed to be masks that stay on, only to wear to the party. you made the party, bought all the snacks, set all the arrangements, now put on your little show and start all over.
what's the big deal? people falling in love with the mask?
well who do you supposed made them in the first place?
gotta start loving, and more importantly, listening to that person instead. you. er well, myself in this case.
collect everything together, go through it all with objective ears, rate everything. whatever sustains itself in the highest tiers, release those as selected works. meanwhile, work on the new project. release everything with this new mindset under just your fucking name, who cares.
or sad dog, since i believe i am one.
but maybe add a "DJ" in front of it, idk, just for a laugh. DJ Sad Dog.
10/24/24
been streaming. i'm holding myself to the rule that whenever i open FL Studio, i also open OBS and stream. only done a few so far, but i want to keep at it. also, i think i'll start looking at game jams to maybe provide some music for. just to start branching out of the 'bandcamp-only' space i've kept myself in for so long. no shade on bandcamp at all, it's still my most preferred platform by far. fuck spotify. soundcloud is fine. but bandcamp is where it's at :100:
10/14/24
who is that one fucking writer guy? not that i'm really inspired by, or even follow writers or authors at all, save for a literal handful of people who have inspired me in the past/present. reading and writing has never been a passion of mine, but always been in the background of my life. like the shadow follows a stray dog, it's always attached to some degree, but never gets any attention. maybe it was a young hunter s. thompson? whoever it was, there was this one line that they said in response to some letter someone had written them which closely went like "conform the job to the lifestyle, not the other way around." meaning, don't try to fit your life into the constraints associated with one sort of job or another. if one job requires you to wear a suit, but you're allergic to the fabric, don't force yourself to wear it.
that being said, i think i've been going about all this shit wrong. i've been trying to do things "the right way" as apposed to the way that works right for me. my fears and insecurities have been directed my life, and therefore my work, for far too long. i've just been in the passenger seat the whole time since it's more comfortable; while the driver is focused on the road, i got to fiddle with the radio. but now that i'm no longer in control, i'm lost, and have to jump in the driver seat of my life to find my way back to the road. not the same road mind you, just any road. i need to start this shit. basically, i've been putting the cart in front of the horse.
9/5/24
partook in an online music/visual performance sorta thing event. vj/dj is what it as often referred to. that was really cool, and making the video for it was even moreso. it was basically a stream-of-consciousness, informational narration via text in the bottom of the screen whilst music played with a little visualizer i made in the background. kinda like a 45 minute personal curated adult swim bump. matter of fact, i used the same font used in those. wow.
anyways, life took over my short burst of energy/inspiration for whatever direction i wanted to take this whole "new era" thing. if i'm completely honest though, i've just been afraid to start it. so many things i'm putting in front of myself and where i want to go.
i started a fiverr account, who knows where that will go.
fuck money.
8/21/24
it never ends
8/12/24
announcement made
the era begins
gonna set up something to keep track of each of the loops used throughout each stream. plan ahead of time? as in, have certain streams that use specific loops? maybe best to just play it by ear and work naturally the way it's usually been, start blank and go from there. I don't want to put pressure on "completing" something every stream, more just a record of the process. over time, we can link them together, so it's still a good idea to keep track of what is done in each. think of like, a eurorack calendar.
8/10/24 (2)
Era 4 is the Era of Self
Aimaiishitsu presents the Era of Self
The name/brand/identity/alias of aimaii has become all encompassing, it's still relevant due to it's ambivalent nature as well as it's medium staying true throughout time (audio). So instead of starting anew, I believe the best course of action is to incorporate, or reincorporate this aspect of myself going forward. Many parallels in the small culture of fast break fueled media inspired audio creation, as Sewerslvt has done a similar thing, resulting in a similarly named "Sewerslvt presents: Cynthoni. I truly hope the best for them and this new direction. Point being, artists grow, change, and evolve while they further understand themselves and their relationship to their art. So it's about time I start taking better care of mine.
8/10/24
gotta write a full update for the 11th, explaining what this new era is. ugh.
8/6/24
"At one point, I was upset that every project I worked on never turned into a full song, so I told myself to not focus on the end result and to just get something down. It eventually led to whenever I'd work on something, I'd just hold down one note, and mess with the sound that steadily came from doing so. Not to worry about making sense of it, just take the sound somewhere, and that will be the output for that day/session.
Nowadays, I have piled up so much sound and audio that I'm just going to grab one sample, or loop, or sound from the past, and THAT will be the one "note" to work with."
Excerpt from a conversation, working out my ideas for this next "era".
8/2/24
made the announcement. will probably just "do the things" within a discord, rather than elsewhere. The only problem with that is with streaming, you can't "stream" to discord using obs. so, the ability to present effectively what you want to is hindered quite a bit. I don't know, maybe just stream to twitch, but with everything else handled within discord. or just everything on the twitch page, new era wise. this site could still be used for organizing and updating, leaving discord out of the loop all together. i could just announce every time i stream on here as well, but that might get annoying for those who follow. maybe just the twitch page then, with some schedule. at least once a day, for a little bit. THE MAIN GOAL is to basically open obs everytime FL studio is opened. my ideas can't just live in me anymore.
8/1/24
having second thoughts, created lilsaddog.bandcamp.com as a backup.
7/27/24
to do list
- "finish" this page
- figure out/finalize how everything is connected, all the different bandcamps and what this one is even for
- explain the loop project somewhere within this page also
- start on the loop revival
- stream? see if bandcamp has some sort of streaming thing within it
also finishing up the new babbitt album, 'best of 2022'. quite a ways behind lol. if i could find a way to combine the release of that and the start of "this", that would be great. I'm thinking about August 1st, since i've never released anything within that month, and maybe that could be a cool change. I'll have to make an update on aimaiishitsu's community page as well, since the majority of followers are subscribed there. i'm not used to writing down my thought process like this, but that's okay.
4/02/24
decided on consolidating everything within one bandcamp, where you are right now.
