Competent by Pendrop Poet

I'm afraid I write to fast
I'm not thinking about what I want to say,
But when I think too much,
I can't figure out what I'm supposed to say,
But I'm thinking too much
About whether I'm competent enough to try?
Am I competent,

I guess that's what I'm trying to say,
I'm typing out second guesses onto a screen,
Screaming at the ink when I have nothing left to sing,
But I don't even know if anyone knows what i mean,
Am I competent

I look towards the greats like Aesop and Brother Ali,
To try and speak oh so eloquently
In every phrase that I choose to sing,
But am I competent

It never seems like the words I sing reach their ears,
But is the purpose of my voice to reach my peers
Or should I just make music just to conquer my fears,
To see if I'm competent,

There's this voice in the back of my head,
That tells me to leave the artist for dead
And try to make music easier for them to comprehend,
But am I competent?

I can say it's not my style,
That I want to challenge myself for a while,
But after a decade of throwing music to the funeral pyre I have to ask
Am I competent,

It's the battle of every starving artist starting their craft,
To have to spend a decade looking like an ass,
Trying to get someone anyone to listen to just one track,
To know if your competent

In the studio, every song feels like a smash,
But then I listen back and hear every note clash,
And feel like I just spent 4 hours to look like an ass
Am I competent

And I write these songs to try and get someone to understand,
But I fill them with metaphors like hiding purpose in the sand,
And I don't get the response that I planned and I doubt
Am I competent

It's like that is the new artistic wall,
That there is so much for people to listen to that they cant listen to it all
And you are just that somebody they use to know so no they won't listen at all
Am I competent

I'm not mad, honestly, I stopped being mad after Chapter One,
I sunk my soul in an album an i think i may have sold one,
But I realized that I'm not an american idol, I'm just someone's son
I know I'm competent,

I just have to keep pushing this boulder up the hill,
Drink from the sound til I've had my fill,,
Put my 2 cents into the jar, smile and take my pills,
I am competent

I have to remind myself every now and then,
Cause I write til there's not a drop left in the pen,
So i have to believe I'm competent and there's a spark left within
I am competent

But it's harder and harder to accept that
Cause it feels like my peers are on the fast track
And I'm just falling further and further back
I'm competent

It's becoming like a chat, an affirmation to live by,
Cause I need to keep repeating so I can stop retreating and try,
And accept that I'm competent enough to stop listening to my lies,
I'm competent,
And I am going to keep at it til I die.

• Experimental
• LGBTQIA
• genderqueer
• indie folk
• multigenre
• synthpop
• Milwaukee