irrealis by janis lago

NYS#163

irrealis is a state of mind, a mode of thinking in which no one can exactly discern the sensations they experience because each sensation touches another feeling at its edges across a massive, irregular lattice in patchwork, and at the edge of each lattice we speak to one another, inviting ourselves into our perceptions of others' minds. the only-part-knowable nature of this structure may strike us as insufficient, and many (once regrettably including myself) may abandon the hazy journey amidst excesses of fog believing they are but useless expressionists with no working perception of themselves who will exist in the same place forever, but this is but weather that clears up when given time and space. irrealis is useful expressionism, the supposed unobjectivity crisis made glorious, irreplicability and surreality come together to form, with steady hands and with complete, even consistency, a unique nonsense logic. from there, the useful expressionist makes art a part of her life in whichever way she sees fit, construing political, queer, emotional, and cultural meanings in an ever-evolving body of work which reflects countless spaces, real- and head-; for me, the most useful medium happens to be computerized, hence 'digital expressionism.' this is my state of mind.

it's difficult not to delve into the personal when writing about something of this scope and caliber, so, to keep things simple, i won't avoid it, at least not the crucial parts which function as meaningful context. something with a great degree of importance to me, about which i have written elsewhere, is the impermanence of information and sensation. i simultaneously evade impermanence and embrace it, both of which happen for better or worse. the impermanence of sensation is what allows me to feel something noneternally, for an emotion to be fleeting and recorded only in the moment for the moment's sake. i had hitherto not written much about my more complex sensations that always seem to blossom into worlds of hurt within minutes, and this meant chaos had free reign in my mind much of the time. this wasn't pleasant. to the end of exploring impermanence of sensation and venting less to my friends and generally improving myself, i ended up starting a journal at the tail end of the recording process for this album. whatever haunts me at a given moment is to be written down in free verse with relatively even line lengths in a text document i keep on my computer, with a timestamp above the poem and the context (added after the poem is fully written) in brackets. this way, i can look back on what i've felt and say i've felt it before, it's not going to kill me this time either. in that way, i finally figured out why journaling is actually useful.

irrealis is not itself a journal, although it often comes close, but know that everything i do is inherently diaristic; all art is political even if it claims not to be. if you feel artistically inclined in any way, it should become part of your daily life in at least some aspect; you'll be happier that way. go out into the world and prosper.

Svalbard Seed Vault field recordings label. Dabbling in large-scale interactive hydrophone installations and sixth wave post-Pigfuck on the side.

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