tether from existential dreadful by MJ Bones

I am very practiced in the art of holding onto
things that cut my palm
as I’m tightening my grip
a simple slip
would likely tear off that first layer of the skin
revealing raw and fragile flesh
that’s safe and sound within

this cocoon that I have woven with
every common thread
I’ve collected from all of my experiences
like when I was nine
and my stepfather locked me in the attic
and all the ways that I shut down
when I feel I’ve been abandoned

cause I see patterns
I see strands of remnant energy
it tethers everything
tethers everything

in existence
to something else
that existed
at another point in time
the points don’t fall in line

but they still reside along
the curvature of cause and effect
it’s all very explicit
if you know where to direct
your eyes and how to hold your breath

every time I exhale I am closer to death
but the free fall of change
is so hard to accept

I’m not very savvy
at the craft of letting go
no, I’m still mourning phantom harvests
of seeds that didn’t grow
things I planted in the desert
where their roots could not take hold
all the day time loves that scorched me
all the evening loves so cold

either parched or overwatered
no, I never got it right
and a highlight reel of failure
screens behind my lids each night
lawless feelings running rampant
the controls are all fried
I’m no fucking engineer
I don’t know how to make it right

I see patterns
I see strands of remnant energy
it tethers everything
tethers everything

in existence
to something else
that existed
at another point in time
the points don’t fall in line

but they still reside along
the curvature of cause and effect
it’s all very explicit
if you know where to direct
your eyes and how to hold your breath

every time I exhale I am closer to death
but the free fall of change
is so hard to accept

it’s all very explicit
if you know where to direct
your eyes
and how to hold
your breath

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