Shant Toadus by Mandüsa

The drippings have soaked into the fibers and now it is ruined. What have you done? You scramble frantically to sop up as much as you can with your shirt but it's still covered in gravy. You know she'll be back soon, and when she does you will be in terrible pain for your misdoings. Should you end it now and save yourself the trouble. A burning candle flickers near the bookcase, perhaps you should accidentally fall into it. No, she will summon you back and entrap you in a cursed object. The only logical choice is to become wood. Your cells begin to harden, and the last thing you see before the grain consumes you is her beat red face scowling and beading with sweat as she charges toward you.

All is wood now.

Cedar, oak, elm, and pine - leave your dreadful life behind. Walnut, hickory, birch and cherry - in the earth your seed will bury.

A member of the CHORDATES family.

Commonly found in polluted rivers, stagnant water, and abandoned waste processing plants.

Do not operate vehicles or large machinery when in use.