HMS Valhalla by Lukas Sayko

What a life George has had! Now he means to celebrate with a retirement trip on the Rhine River aboard the HMS Valhalla!



LIBRETTO


CHARACTERS

George: ?


EMPIRE DAY, 1950

A small group of British Canadians are gathered to celebrate Empire Day. Young George is marching around the room as his mother, seated at the piano, plays a medley of patriotic tunes.


Patriotic Tunes: Rule Britannia!, Heart of Oak, Maple Leaf Forever


George:

Mother has asked me to give a speech on this very proud occasion: Empire Day in the Dominion of Canada.
The theme of my speech is duty.
I’ve read all of King George’s speeches from his visit in 1939, and I hope to one day be so magnificent an orator.

From a very young age I was aware of my birthright, born into a great nation, bought with the blood of our brave soldiers.
And by degrees I became aware of my duty to the King and God alone.

How do I act out my duty, you query?
Every morning in school, when I say the Oath, I put my hand on my heart;
And when I pray the Lord’s Prayer, I fold my hands in earnest supplication,
That I might be a shining example to my schoolmates.

My role model on the subject of duty is my Mother.
She volunteers at the Brandon Indian Residential School every morning.
She helps them to say the Lord’s Prayer.
She’s so kind-hearted she even takes them to a separate room to teach them if they can’t say it!
Some of them only know it in Cree or French, and some don’t know it at all!

I wish you all a prosperous and jolly Empire Day!
May his majesty live on forever and forever. Amen!


Those assembles sing God Save the King
ST. BONIFACE CATHEDRAL CEMETERY, 1969

George is distraught, ranting and raving among the gravestones.


George:

Those buggers lied to me!
Fucking rapists and pedophiles!

Mom, I knew about you. I saw you with every bloke in the bloody neighborhood.
Brandon’s too small for a whore like you!

Dad, you got me a job at Eaton’s, a great English company!
Ha! Well guess what?
All they did was rape me.
I talked to me coworkers, and they got raped too, on the regular.
I filed a complaint with human resources and every other level of authority.
They knew, and they didn’t care.

You always laughed at St. Boniface, Cathedral City, a conquered people.
And then you laughed again after the fire.
Fuck you to bloody hell!

I’m gonna learn French and I’m not gonna come to your Empire Day parties anymore.
And I’m gonna be rich when I retire on account of my stamp collection.
I’ll show you, fucking wankers.





















EATON PLACE (PREVIOUSLY EATONS MAIL-ORDER BUILDING), 1995


George:

Are you done with that s’il vous plait?
Allow me to take it, and I’ll wipe down the table while I’m at it.
Me name’s George and I’m cleaning staff.


I worked here when it was the mail-order building.
It’s strange. My memory of how things used to look is still so vivid.
Just yesterday I wrapped and postmarked a mop!

When operations ceased in the 70s they gave me the boot,
I was unemployed a good decade.
Took to drinking.
Thank God I discovered the Existentialists: Camus, Sartre, Beauvoir!
They know things the English do not.
I took courses in French and Philosophy at the University of Winnipeg.
Wrote a paper on The Myth of Sisyphus.
My English upbringing meant nothing! I burned with hatred for the monarchy!

I was the spitter during the royal visit of 1970!
Prince Charles thinks he’s so posh and proper!
I leaned over the railing and dropped a loogie right between his eyes.
Ya should-a seen the look on that buffoon’s face!

And who are you?
Ya seem like a nice chap.
But it doesn’t really matter eh.
It’s all the same: Rich, poor; religious, atheistic; patriotic, anarchistic.
Naked we come into this world, and naked we leave!
Everything ya need to know is in Albert Camus’s L’Étranger.
I used to think I was a nobody.
Now I bloody well know that I’m a nobody!
And so is everybody else!











HMS Valhalla, 2019

George is on the main deck of the HMS Valhalla, a British cruise ship on route from London to Cologne.


George:

Yes, it’s pronounced “Gay-org”,
Right, like Georg von Trapp in the Sound of Music.
Meine Familie has a rather rich background in both Austria and Germany.
This of course was hidden from me in a milieu of English superiorism.
If not for a 23andMe my true nature would have remained latent.

I believe my ancestors to be the hardy stock that would have excelled in Wagnerian drama.
Opera at its pinnacle!

Do you know why I am on this vessel, a decidedly English ship?
It is a symbolic voyage:
Carried by my British yesterday,
To my glorious German tomorrow!

It is fitting I make this journey down Wagner’s storied Rhine River.
Its waters team with the gold hidden from me my entire life.

Get your head up. We’re passing between the seven mountains.
The Siebengebirge.
There is Drachenfels, Dragon’s Rock.
That is where Siegfried slew the dragon Fafner!

Now I wish to celebrate my retirement,
With all of you, who have become so dear to me over the past days.
Gather round please,
Fill your glasses, there will be a toast.

I have lived a full life,
But full of what exactly?
Was I a decorated politician? No.
Was I neuroscientist on a yacht? No.
Was I a mother of five with a successful candle business?
No, I wasn’t even that.
But surrounded by all of you—you’ve been the most to me, you have been everything, and through you I have experienced true love!

So, a toast to you, and to my life, which has been more than anyone could ever ask for!

Clink!

All sing “Heil dir im Siegerkranz”

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