as // 003 by Liam Back
as // 003 [6:59 min]
a third export of a series of ambient sessions that all have a reason: reflecting one's disposition. a few notes and open thoughts came to mind as I sat down to create this ambient piece. something that needed to get out of my system.
seeing clear, kills the fear.
to find clarity, you must step away from the noise. self-reflection and realigning your actions is a first. without it, success feels hollow. forget the term burnout. which can happen even in doing what you love. misalignment-burnout is the one that breaks you. when work drifts away from personal meaning and becomes more about external expectations, the disconnet drains you, breeds cynicism and slowly but surely, erodes a sense of self.
a possible way out to this is to pause, reconnect with your core values, and realign yourself with a purpose. easier said than done. it took me fifteen years in a loud, fast-paced pop-culture industry, away from home, before i could finally overcome and understand this myself.
my journey up until now was about letting go of formative experiences as a child, something that was not at all easy. growing up in an environment bruised by abuse, both mental and physical, i never felt safe enough to lower my guard. a belief system that every action or refusal had to be justified and could not stand without explanation. so compliance meant survival. agreement felt safe around authority.
That same pattern of behavior often gets carried into adolescence, leaving one defenseless at a time when we should feel most confident. Many people and institutions exploit this kind of sensitivity, feeding on it until one is left depleted. a natural response is often bitterness toward those who mistake patience for weakness. i found resentment or the urge for payback only drains more energy, ultimately prolonging the harm already done. just ain't worth it.
once those chords are cut, purpose, direction, and energy can return to normal. it’s possible. all i needed was to feel a sense of purpose again. for example: office life, drained the fuck out of me. providing low-paid, high-output services for an industry taking more than they could chew also didn’t fit either. only in creating art, offered in service to others and free of judgment, felt true. thats where i found my ease, though it took me years to confess this truth to myself. all the while, i was blinded by polished faces, selling shortcuts to nowhere and battling a system built to bleed you dry every thirty days.
the simple and yet difficult answer lies in saying. no and face yourself with complete honesty.
at first, it feels impossible, especially for those with a similar military background, raised in that ‘dafuq you speaking your truth’? mindset. where the rule was "shut the fuck up, or get slapped.” so, if you’ve never been allowed to set boundaries before, saying no feels like an act of rebellion. unnatural at first, but strangely satisfying, almost like something you could get used to. the second and third time gets easier as you practice. by the forth, fith time saying no, resilience replaces fear. thats when you no longer feel weighed down anymore. suddenly, solid ground appears beneath your feet, where once was nothing, now lies a stone floor you built yourself.
-
liam back
Tracklist
| 1. | as // 003 | 6:59 |
Credits
equipment used: field recordings of hamburg's parks, a microkorg, an op-1 and a microcosm pedal. mixed and mastered later on in ableton live.
recorded, produced and arranged by Liam Back
artwork by Liam Back
photo by _____crptc child
