Bathroom Song from Beyond Words by Laurie Frisbey

The last time
We were really us
Was late August 2019
He surprised me with
Lenny Kravitz tickets
At Agganis Arena
In Boston,
For my birthday
A few weeks early.

In that thick
Late-summer air
When everything
Feels golden,
Time feels borrowed.
He took my hand
To hold
And I followed.

We rode the T
Into the city,
Packed tight with
Strangers and sweat.
He stood steady,
One arm around
The pole,
The other casually
Brushing my hip.

When the train stopped,
I tried not to fall
Into a teenager eating
Something mysterious
From a paper bag,

That's why I rollerskate
He said,
Core strength, babe.

I rolled my eyes,
Called him a show-off.

He grinned.
That crooked little
Half-smile
that got him off
The hook more times
Than it should have.

The concert
Was electric.
Mister Kravitz
Was a god
In sunglasses
And leather.
The woman
In front of us
Belted out
Fly Away
like she had never
Left her zip code.

Bathroom song,
He whispered.

He came back late
For my favorite.
I sang, all of my life,
Where have you been
Like I wasn't tempting fate
And he was gone again.

For the first year
He brought me a card
Every month
Like clockwork.
Tiny celebrations
Of the fact
We were still driving,
Still doing this
Long-distance thing.

There were no
Shared closets,
no junk drawers
Full of both our shit.
I knew we didn't
Have a future
But for a moment,
We had every next trip.

Then came the week
After Christmas.
Didn't feel like he was
Into it anymore.
He rarely came up
By then,
And when he did,
I had to drag him
To anything I enjoyed.

The concert
Was electric.
Mister Kravitz
Was a god
In sunglasses
And leather.
The woman
In front of us
Belted out
Fly Away
Like she had never
Left her zip code.

Bathroom song,
He whispered.

He had all
He ever wanted
Right outside
His own back door
A life he didn't need me
To arrive for,
And he said,
There's nothing to do
In Bangor but you.

I rolled my eyes,
Tried not to cry.

He grinned.
That crooked little
Half-smile
That got him off
The hook more times
Than it should have.

And I kept hearing
One name.
The rest of the cast
Would change,
But this one woman
Was always there.

Freckles and red hair
In every story.
At every concert.
Every game.

She likes all the same
Stuff you do,

So I asked him,
Why don't you just
Date her?
She's cute.

He didn't disagree.
I saw something shift
In his face,
Like I'd handed him
A mirror
Into a magical place
He'd never seen before.

The seed was planted,
But he saw me
Once more.

Valentine's Day, 2020.
We stood
In a parking lot,
Classic us,
One last parting
In the cold
An hour long.
He held me close
But it felt all wrong.

I'll talk to you soon,
He said.
But the kiss goodbye
Sealed the vow
Of silence
We took
When we decided
To let go.

Punctuation
At the end
Of a situation.
One last callback
To the closeness
We once knew.

People like him
Carve out a room
In your soul,
Repaint the walls,
Wander the halls
Of your mind
Like a ghost.

You still check
Your phone
For the texts
He used to send
On a Friday night.

I can't quite unpack it,
But it almost
Feels like home
When someone brushes
The hair back
From my eyes.

I turn the radio on
I hear,
I wonder if I'll
Ever see you again,

I whisper,
Bathroom song.

• Pop
• Bangor