Equilibrilized by Michael Collins, RobbieP808x, Kelly Spiller

CONTENT WARNING: Contains potentially distressing themes

Process Reflections of Kelly and Michael

KELLY :

Michael and I met in 2017 through Newcastle’s spoken word events and writing groups. His poetry and voice resonates and captivates me when he reads. I lived with Michael for a few months while I was homeless for a year during lockdown after a difficult break-up. Being out in the bush, surrounded by books, listening to music and waxing lyrical about philosophy and art in his space, while working on healing my wounds and re-establishing safety, is a generous compassion I won't forget. Michael and I shared a background in nursing.

Michael has successfully made quite a few spoken word CD’s with friends collaborating and doing acoustic style backings, with Trevor’s expertise getting them to completion. I thought it would be interesting to see if we could slow down some of Rob’s grunge/hip/punk/hop beats to match the tempo and the gravity of the spoken words. I had e-mailed Rob Michael’s poems and he felt a resonance and expressed feeling impacted not only by the words Michael had written but how I had read them.

Rob and I were partners in business and love in Melbourne prior to 2015. He’d often be producing beats or avidly applying crypto learnings to the wee hours of the morning in the terrace house loft we shared, oddly the only time I could sleep to background music. The name RobbieP808x was inspired by meditating on the root chakra sound which establishes the density of reality. Rob and I have shared the sometimes harrowing sometimes elating journey of sobriety since and after we were together.

We started the collaboration late 2021. I recorded the vocals in Michael’s attic, the second time I had read them aloud. If you listen really closely, you might hear crickets in the background. The first time I read them was aloud with Michael to find 25 out of 50 poems I might like to read. I was moved to tears many times throughout. I still felt much of this emotion while recording.

I asked Rob for some beats from his massive back-catalogue. About six months later he sent me a Dropbox link titled ” DO WHAT YOU ILL WITH IT ” full of a back catalogue of beats- a project he was intending to complete anyway, and he mentioned he’d forgotten I was after beats because I hadn’t asked for a while. It was so easy to send this link to Michael and allow Michael to explore and use Audacity to lay the lyrics over the instrumentals.

I provided Michael with some black and white artwork I did in art school for the CD design. Michael and Trevor added some colour to it which was interesting for me. I wasn’t expecting myself and my assistance animal dingo, Floki, to be on the front cover, but you can imagine my enjoyment of such a surprise.
I am a writer myself and occasionally perform poetry, having rarely published. This experience helped me develop skills and learn about processes I had always been intrigued by, but had never had the mentorship for. I have built confidence through these skills and aim to do something similar with my own work soon. I’m glad to have friendships with creators who give a damn.

Every single word and each beat resonate so strongly for me, that reading it felt natural and like I was talking to my own experience. The process was a mutual acknowledgement of lived experience between collaborators. I initially found it hard to provide context to the ineffable and intangible nature of the deep feelings this production invokes, but have been inspired by people who have taken time to listen deeply and look beyond the surface presentation.

MICHAEL:

My poems speak to a reality that can be confronting. One that is familiar to me, because, the words are mine. They are not yours. In a sense you have been invited into my world of thought. When this happens, generally, we incorporate that which was not previously there. How we each deal with that is up to the individual. My personal motivation for collaboration is to share my reality. Not only do I want a really fine product to share, but I want a connection with the 'other'. This desire has a history. Perhaps all who collaborate feel this to some degree?
My own past has been one of alienation: to others as well as myself. This has left shadows. I live with them: they do not hurt me, but they do make me remember. And that is good. My desire is for intimacy and closeness. I attempt this through my poetry. Perhaps it is partly a need for acceptance... something I never had growing up. In fact, that is definitely part of it. But it is mainly about connection. It’s like giving someone a hug. That can be enough. A look can be enough. The moment of appreciation for that other human being in your world at the time. It cannot be totally ego-less, and should not be anyway, but it can be largely selfless. Relationship dramas from unclear boundaries can allow toxicity in easily, and when it does occur we can become suspicious of those wishing for any degree of intimacy. Trust can be really hard to develop and maintain. It all comes back to trying to be the best person we can be.

THEMES
- social justice
- mental health
- philosophy
- the ethics of care
- empathy
- nature
- growth
- optimism and realism
- honesty
- compassion
- yearning
- religion
- war
- love
- mutuality and respect

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