what a lovely day it has been hasn't it - I haven't done a thing - nothing at all. I lay down and read and read and lay down and ate and lay down and watched A Straight Story again and cried a bit and I read some more (Mishima) and I did nothing and the sun came in all day and warmed the place up - I didn't even need a blanket or anything - I did nothing - oh how lucky we are to know that we don't need to do anything or need anything or anything anything anything - life is a triumph if you can let go of ambition, let go of consumerism and wanting stuff or some days even wanting to eat - it horrifies me how little I need to eat to stay slim - it delights me how little I need to keep the bailiffs away - this winning smile, the odd sale here, good friends who leave me alone, a lack of mirrors to help me forget that I am not young in the eyes of the world, only in my own eye be true or however it goes - to live cut-off, to live without the news, just to have the music playing all day, not to know what people think of me and now it's getting so good that even when I do know what people think of me I just think they're stupid - I know, I know, but you do need to think that to keep happy - so many other people want to be miserable and want everyone else to be miserable - it cheers me up when they succeed, but they never succeed with me, because I have done nothing all day, nothing at all, just read and ate a bit and yes I did this and I don't even care if it's good or not, though at the high volume I'm hearing it now for the first time it is good - yes high volume is the key - drown out all else, you don't need anything else, just this, just nothing at all, a day of doing nothing, this is all the happiness molecules firing at full blast, this is how easy it is, throw your phone in the fire, live like everyone for the last million years, days of nothing like these, nothing at all, simple, heaven, careless, now now now now now -