crampmoor by katharine eastman

This one's turned out better than I expected but I'm still feeling quite a lot Yuk and couldn't get enthusiastic about anything even if I stopped fighting it - I'm sure it's not covid, no coughing, no temperature (37degreesC, how boringly normal, sigh), can taste/smell stuff, no sore throat, no sneezing, a tiny bit of a runny nose, but that's only when I go outside .... in fact I don't seem to have any symptoms at all - it's just this weird out-of-nowhere for-no-reason hangover that a man who hasn't drunk for about a month has no right to have.

It's been a good excuse to stay indoors and be reclusive and cancel the few socialisings that I was due for - yes even a misanthrope like me sometimes goes out and meets people. My "ex" says I should get tested. I ask How? - I was once told that I could just go up to a pharmacy counter and ask for some tests and they'd give you some, just ask you your age. But a couple of weeks ago I tried to get some, just in case, and was asked what my number was and I didn't know what she was talking about and I was asked to scan a QR code and I said I don't own that kind of phone and she said I'll have to go back home and go on the internet and do something and then come back with something, or something.

Fuck, they don't make it easy do they. No wonder that even the people with the technology aren't bothering. Not for the first or last time, I feel that I am ahead of the curve and not behind it. It's just this wintry inability to get excited about anything - it's good isn't it - I wouldn't want it forever - but for now, this perfect cloudless December evening, this calmness is exactly right. I find myself thinking all the time about my recent walk to Salisbury. I just want to do it again - and again - over and over - it's the first amazing-to-me thing I've done since the pandemic's peak - even if (yes I'm being delusional - possibly an early sign of an impending fever) this album was the most beautiful piece of music made all century, I'd still be far more pleased about the walking - when I make music it's like getting something out the system that needs to get out, when I walk it's like taking something in that I need very much.

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(recorded today, photo Crampmoor, Hampshire, last weekend)