Love Talk from Downsizing by John Smillie

Love Talk

Wife -
The kids are in bed, there’s nothing on tv.
Come over here darling, and snuggle next to me.
I’m in the mood. Let’s do what lovers do.
You know what I mean, babe. Let’s talk!

Husband –
Now, slow down, honey. You know I’m not good at the talking thing.
We men are hunter gatherers, born for action, not talking.
Besides, I had a bad day at the office. Tonight, can we give it a miss?
Maybe, baby, tomorrow we’ll talk!

Wife –
Now, don’t be shy darling, this moment’s heaven sent.
I’ve been talking to the kids all day. I need some ‘adult content’.
If marriage is about sharing, we ought to walk the walk.
Come on, baby, please, let’s talk the talk!

Husband –
That’s the trouble with women, you’re always in the mood
For talking, men need to be warmed up. Men need to be wooed.
A man is not a machine that can be turned on with a switch.
Besides, I’ve got a headache. I can’t talk!

Wife –
You tell me your thoughts and I’ll tell you mine.

Husband –
You’re obsessed with talking. You’ve got a one-track mind.

Wife –
A woman has her needs. I need a good talk now.

Husband –
Isn’t that what we’re doing?

Wife –
No! This isn’t talking. This is a row!

(repeat)

Wife –
Take pity on me darling, don’t leave me in this state.
I need some conversation. Can’t you see I’m desperate.
I can’t talk to myself. In turn, it’s unhealthy, it’s a sin.
Can’t you see I’m gagging for a talk!

Husband –
OK, calm down, honey. Don’t get your knickers in a twist.
Of course, we’ll talk if it means that much to you. Relax. Don’t be stressed.
I’d do anything for you, babe, but, just to get me in the mood,
Maybe, baby, first could we make love!!!

• Folk
• Humourous
• Hythe