Muppet Redux from FAWM 2025 by Johnny Wallflower

G: Oh, Muppet, you’ve been so good lately! What a difference a year makes! I feel like we’re closer than ever. You haven’t even tried to eat my face lately, and I think it’s because we’re finally bonding!

M: Oh yeah, “bonding,” that’s definitely happening. Totally.

G: I can’t wait for the weather to warm up so I can take you for walks in your little sweater and harness.

M: Say what? A fuckin harness? Like with a leash? I don’t think so, lady.

[together]
G: Oh, you’ll look so pretty!
M: Over my dead body.

M: Look, I tolerate you because you got me that automatic feeder, but you need to get the fuck out of the way when that thing drops my chow. Also, I’m going to knock over all your fancy gin bottles while you’re sleeping. Just get some Hendricks for your foofy drinks.

G: You really love me, don’t you? Because you haven’t drawn blood for a couple of weeks now.

M: Have you heard a word I’ve said? Oy, humans are dumber than dogs.

G: I know how we can celebrate: let’s get a Halloween costume for you! A pink and aqua unicorn ballet dancer!

[together]
G: Oh, you’ll look so cute!
M: I will fuck you up.

• Alternative
• Experimental
• Rock
• blues
• United States