Potato from Humilis by Jazz Emu

Washing some spuds
Chopping them up
Cooking my lunch:
Janssons Frestelse
Swedish casserole

But while I’m chopping
I drop a chunk and
It makes me stoppen:
What in the Hellse?
It switched my bluetooth on

Did you know you can control your phone with a piece of potato? Have you tried it bro?
Did they mean for my LCD screen to be responsive to a root vegetable?
What’s the point of this functionality? Are they catering for potaters with opposable thumbs that can read?
I can’t help thinking that must be a pretty limited market, but wait now my brain is all like:

Maybe the CEO of Apple Tim Cook is secretly a potato disguised as human
Who’s worked his way into the boardroom, and he keeps trying to subtly pitch features specifically geared towards potatoes, and he’s like:
Greetings fellow humans, and they’re like I hate how he starts every meeting like that, typical corporate executive can’t remember anyone’s name
And he’s like: I’ve got an idea for an app,
And does it have broad appeal because honestly most of your recent ideas have been unworkably specific
And he’s like: have you heard of Uber?
And they’re like: the biggest ride-hailing app in the world yes i think we’ve all heard of that
And he’s like: I’m just spitballing here, but what about Tuber? An app that matches tuberous roots for the purpose of the getting freaky asexually
And they’re like: again we’re not sure there’s a demographic for this. It’s kind of the same as your idea for an app that destroys all the world’s peelers. Also can we address that as CEO, you shouldn’t really be pitching apps? It’s really more of a sales and operations role.

And he’s like
Did you know you can control your phone with a piece of potato? No me either, bro.
Have you seen if it touches the screen you can personal hotspot enable
What a random bit of functionality, I wonder how that happened hahaha it’s a real mystery
No i don’t think that someone could’ve tampered with the schematics

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