wishes from closure by Jai Mohan

i am having a psychotic break over as a guest
we are spooning wrapped in sheets in the comfort of my bed
we are making quiet love, but we never make amends
in the whisper of the light of dawn i greet it as a friend

it interrupts my conversations, strays into my dreams
we don't argue anymore but never do say what we mean
it's a gamble, it's a game, and the floor becomes the sea
when the walls will ask my name again what will become of me?

and i wish that people thought i was funny
and i wish my art made me more money
and i wish we talked more often, honey
it's the thing that i can't say
i haven't seen your face, a long time
haven't heard your voice, a long time now

my imaginary audience says all the world's a stage;
i've been a walking corpse since i don't remember the age
my madness and i steadying through ruin and through rage
i am keeping myself grounded. i am keeping myself safe.

i am sitting down politely with the madness in my room
we share maple cappuccinos and we speak of pretty doom
i imagine figures weaving lives together on a loom,
i imagine all my life has been a detour from the tomb

i wish that my dreams were more realistic
i wish that i could live off of my music
i sometimes wish that i wasn't so foolish
all these echoes in my brain
that i can't translate into song

and i wish that i could feel alive
i wish it was possible to thrive
i wish i wasn't haunted
and i wish that i was wanted
and i wish i meant it every time
i said i'm fine

• Alternative
• classical crossover
• indie pop
• queer
• singer-songwriter
• vocal
• New York