backdraft from backdrafts by human confetti

i couldn’t curl up tight enough to make it go away

in the front seat unraveling at full speed
i thought i could outrun it, the ghost i made

but i’ve been running in place



with closed eyes and covered ears
I’m an outline housing fragments

the sharpened edges point inward
out of habit

there is not enough room on your shelf for me
you watch it burn down, i can tell you’re exhausted
and relieved



we fall in love like a backdraft
inside a house on fire
i’m like a box of matches
always chasing after lighters

busted all the windows
just to get there faster
you took my hand
and we leaned into rapture . . .

now all i see is broken glass
in every new set of eyes
whose shine makes my head spin
we stood in the fire but 
we only have so much oxygen

the light fades as it empties our lungs
while we suffocate, i asked you
“where’d all this dark come from?”


i couldn’t curl up tight enough to make it go away

in the back seat
'cause you can’t count on me to navigate
i really tried to understand

but i can’t see things how you ca
so when we got off track, i ran
when i should’ve helped us find our way back
but i ran

im trying to forgive myself for that, i ran

too ashamed to look back


'cause you had to bury it alone
and you deserved better than that

(1, 2, 3, - !)

theres a little black box inside of me

and it’s slick with gasoline

from the fires i’m always walking thru

just to feel something


it’s no wonder, 'cause if you look inside

my once endless well of hopefulness

has long since dried

i know we both felt it

when the foundations started to crack

but you left it up to me

now why on earth would you ever do that?

it was the last thing you ever counted on me to do

and i still fucked it up

but you were probably counting on that too

(so i guess that means i didn’t totally disappoint you
what a relief)

i know we both heard it

the splintering before the snap

the main supports giving out

til one by one, all the walls collapsed


and i know

i did far less than 
what you needed me to
but don’t fucking tell me i did nothing

you know that’s not true
(we both know that’s not true)

but you said we’re all replaceable

that that’s how it had to be

well if i was such a deadweight
why didn’t you just replace me?


-

it doesn’t matter anymore

everything to say has been said

but i still have a hard time
'cause some days
it honestly feels like it was all in my head

• Alternative
• damp
• emo
• florida
• nostalgic
• queer
• Sarasota