Amends from Spirit Photographs by Gillian Stone

"Amends" explores self-mercy and accountability after the second stage of grief: Anger. It is a nod to what I’ve learned through years of therapy about the power of naming. It is a fearless moral inventory, an understanding of the effect on self and other, an odyssey through four and five of The Twelve Steps. My recovery journey has been riddled with shame that still lives in my bones. The final line of the song is an attempt to exorcize this shame from my body. By acknowledging the ruins of my Anger, I am attempting to destroy the destroyer.

Tracklist

2.	Amends	4:23

Lyrics

I felt you under my breath…

Somewhere,
somewhere you are out there
breathing.
That’s all that I really know.
A memory:
I stumbled, I’d been drinking.
I couldn’t stand to be seen.
A memory,
a bar in the Old City,
too haunted to hope.

I felt you under my breath…

In my 20’s,
filled with piss and pining,
filled with limerence and grieving
leaving my body at the door.
A memory:
afraid of all your victories,
I stumbled on my words.
I was angry,
and in you I made an enemy –
I didn’t mean to
I’m sorry.

I felt you under my breath,
growling, mewling in my chest.
A fountain of youth I whetted then left.
Regret is a wily muse, but I’ll name it out
loud.

Credits

from Spirit Photographs, track released June 24, 2022
Gillian Stone – vocals, guitars, synthesizers
Michael Peter Olsen – e-cello, synthesizers
Spencer Cole – drums

Written by Gillian Stone (SOCAN)
Produced by Michael Peter Olsen and Gillian Stone in Uncomfortable Silence in Toronto
Engineered and mixed by Michael Peter Olsen
Drums recorded at Union Sound Company, engineered by Chris Stringer and assisted by Darren McGill
Mastered by David Travers-Smith
Art direction by Gillian Stone
Album photography by Joel Gale and assisted by Danielle Fried

This project was made possible by the generous support of the Canada Council for the Arts, the Ontario Arts Council, FACTOR, the Government of Canada, and Canada’s Private Radio Broadcasters.

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