EMPIRE by Fioraidh

VOICEMAIL
Aye, eh, ye aright then, Senga? Biz, aw... ah've just hud a hell eh an ordeal, hen. Ah've just hud a look an' a've ran oot eh Empire Biscuits.

VERSE 1
Last night the word came down,
the biscuit barrel's run aground
The only things I've found
are chocolate Digestives and a Penguin

Too bad, people say
What's wrong with a Breakaway?
I'll tell you right now,
they got smaller in size
I want an Empire

VERSE 2
Wagon wheels have got small and thin
They've got nothing to show
Orange Clubs are fuckin' tiny in the middle
Chocolate thinner than piss in the snow
The Blue Ribands have been there for years
and you can't even give them away
I'm needing something that can hold open doors
I need an Empire!

BRIDGE
Biscuit, meets royal icing
Jam-filled, with Jelly Tots

CHORUS 1
Aldi's own are bowfin'
Sainsbury's don't know nothin'
(Fig Rolls, Hobnobs, Kit-Kats, Chocolate Fingers)

VERSE 3
Bourbons, Custard Creams
sit at the bottom for years
Both turned to rubber
left in favour of another
Rich Tea, get them tae fuck

Kit-Kats, always gone
What happened to that pack I bought?
It doesn't matter,
they got nothin' on those
delicious Empires

BRIDGE 2
Biscuit, meets royal icing
Jam-filled, with Jelly Tots

CHORUS 2
Aldi's own are bowfin'
Sainsbury's don't know nothin'
Tesco's have got no jam in

TOTALLY LEGIT LOCAL NEWS REPORT
In fiscal year 1986 tae '87, loads a fat bastards fae Paisley spent a combined total of sixteen poun 42 pence per day on Empire Biscuits. Local law enforcement claims that it was these absolute bawbags that accounted for more than 96% of all local break-ins. By way of comparison, the local bakeries spent 24 million more on plant expansion, and 43 times more on Jelly Tots, than they did on the production of Jammie Dodgers.

CHORUS 3
Aldi's own are bowfin'
Sainsbury's don't know nothin'
Lidl's ones are too thin
Costa only do muffins
Co-op's ones are soggy
Scotmid only sell Bobby's
Tesco's got no jam in
The ones at ma maw's are slammin'

EMPIRE!

• Metal
• Progressive Rock
• heavy prog
• heavy progressive
• heavy rock
• prog rock
• Glasgow