Undeserving from Leviathan by Eliot Wilder

Why do I feel the way that I feel
I don’t fully comprehend
‘Cause I don’t like to feel the way that I feel
And all that those feelings portend
Part of me thinks that I deserve better
But part me thinks I’m just bad
And the part me that is the latter
Just drives me mad, mad, mad

Undeserving, undeserving
Undeserving of all I got
Undeserving, undeserving, undeserving
That’s my lot

Whatever good has ever come my way
I’ve made sure to screw with it
‘Cause whatever good has ever come my way
I could never have anything to do with it
Never got no love when I was a kid
Never knew just what that meant
Tried so hard to get myself straight
But I always wound up bent, bent, bent

There weren’t no love when I was boy
There was only frustration and rage
It was all I could do save myself
And break out of that rotten cage

I bet I seem kind of ridiculous
Like a Nancy boy always complaining
I spend too much time thinking about it
And even more explaining
But this is what it is to be who I am
And I understand that I’m pathetic
Wish I could just wish it away
And fill myself with anesthetic

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