Ocean Song by DROP THERAPY
Moving into this new chapter of my life has been stressful, to say the least. I haven't yet felt totally in control of anything, although maybe the idea of being in control is a myth in the first place. Navigating college in particular has been confusing at best. Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out for it, but at the same time the economy in my country makes it impossible to live comfortably without a degree. Hell, even with a degree a lot of people don't make it very far.
The issue in my case is that I am neurodivergent and the school system, regardless of whether or not we're talking about K-12 or college, seems to have accomodations for those with learning disabilities set as a relatively low priority. Part of this could be related to the way I was raised; I was spoiled quite a bit and never got a chance to learn anything important about navigating adulthood.
That being said, I am only 19. My hope is that I'll figure it out eventually. Right now though, it feels like my only option is to float along to wherever the currents take me.
Tracklist
| 1. | Ocean Song | 9:07 |
Lyrics
I'm only here because I want to be
As I keep telling myself
I'm only here because I have to be
Or else I'll regress in this shell
I don't know where the waves would take me
Knowing that I cannot rely on my sails
Trapped under the stress of everything
Because I can only get so much help
I know that I'm not nothing, but I just can't help myself
I can't stop things from happening
I'm accustomed to the mercy of the open sea
I know that I lost something, or rather that it was taken away from me
I just can't stop wondering if this is what christians call hell
All I can do is hope the waves aren't merciless
Fitting in boxes that weren't made for the purpose
As exciting as things can be, I may never know it
All because this isn't for me, but I'm out of options
Perhaps it was my upbringing
Revolving doors that never opened up to me
The lesson taught was gluttony
I don't hate them but I've never had a rock on which to lay
But I'm still stuck in place
I need to push on somehow
Otherwise I have to follow the currents
I need to push on somehow
Otherwise I have to follow the currents
I need to push on somehow
I don't want to know where they're going
I don't want to see a second tidal wave coming
I'm so fucking lost I swear
I don't want to rely on myself
Because I feel that I am clueless
I think I'm behind everyone else
The world tells me that I am useless
Credits
License
CC BY-SA 3.0. See the Creative Commons website for details.Tags
Trans system living on unceded Miwok land. We think the original headmate who started this project is kinda maybe not here anymore. Continuous survivor of long COVID and eugenics and the Severe ME/CFS caused by them. This page is for music we made that we can't listen to anymore.
Nisenan land (Sacramento) > Bay Area > Sacramento