Hate from THE WOOD by KEI♱H

I watch her and it’s stupid how it hits me
the way she moves the way she thinks
small things tiny things
that shouldn’t matter (but they do…)

i replay moments that didn’t matter
making them matter making them ours in my head
i’m exhausted by it by myself

it’s maddening
i hate that i notice everything
and i hate that it hurts
it hurts like my chest is too small for the way you exist
and i hate that i want it
want you all of you
and i can’t touch it can’t say it
so i write it
because that’s the only place it exists safely
and still it consumes me

every glance you throw into a room
even when it’s not at me
feels like gravity pulling me closer
i stand there knowing i’m tethered
to someone untouchable
and i can’t let go
even if i wanted to

catch myself memorizing things
i shouldn’t things that don’t matter
to anyone but me
i’m exhausted by it by myself

it’s maddening
i hate that i notice everything
and i hate that it hurts
it hurts like my chest is too small for the way you exist
and i hate that i want it
want you all of you
and i can’t touch it can’t say it
so i write it
because that’s the only place it exists safely
and still it consumes me

sometimes i catch myself
thinking about things i would never say or do
just to be seen by you
oh

it’s maddening
i hate that it’s like this
that my chest tightens my hands tremble
you move through the world
like fire and shadow
untouchable and i hover around
i hate that i want it
want you all of you
i can’t reach it can’t touch it
i’m like a moth that knows it’d burn
i’m exhausted by it by myself
i am tethered to you in ways i cannot name
i cannot will not stop

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