narc from nobody, nowhere by CowardlyCrow

I leap before I look
Speak before I think
My “confidence” is at fault
It isn’t helping me
Idiocy is my drug
Positively perceived
Makes me want to shoot myself
I’m not well, can’t you see?

You tell me that I should be afraid of the unfleeting unknown
I tell you that I shouldn't be that bold
I'm told that I run away from things I love
But I think I may just be repulsed

Place me on a pedestal, and I will knock it down
I’m serious when I say, “I’m not proud of myself”
High on hope, only to be let down
Masochist at heart, self-sadism

I wish I was all the things I’m supposed to be
Brave and smart and interesting
But I’m too consumed in my own suffering
Rather wallow than change a single thing

It’s hard to swallow your admiration
Not confident, desperately trying to fake it
I can’t see myself, I am vacant
being vain is the only way I can make it

I rely on others, then them take down
My shallowness should become a crown
I think that we should count
How many times I have let you down
How many times I have let you down
How many times I have let you down

It’s hard to swallow your admiration
I’m afraid I might run and take it
I’m a machine that runs on validation
Being vain is the only way I can make it

• Experimental
• amateur
• singer-songwriter
• singersongwriter
• Illinois