4 AM from Miira by Codex Obscura
ages 18-22
we were living with my mom's next boyfriend, and i was smoking like a chimney. unemployed, out of school, staying up all night every night. if i wasn't on the computer, i was playing music, if i wasn't playing music, i was outside smoking cigarettes. i really really started feeling intense gender dysphoria as i felt like i was running out of time to make a change. i was still afraid of being transgender, i wanted to live peacefully and "normally" as a man, but it was proving to be intolerable. dressing up nice and putting on makeup was the only time i really felt happy, and that was apparent to me. days and weeks and months wiped by, i had no idea what day it was or even what time it was usually. i started dating again and was ultimately made to feel disgusted for wearing nail polish and makeup and girl clothes. my appearance was ridiculed constantly, and all i wished was to make them feel the horrible pain i felt whenever i tried to kill the girl inside me
Lyrics:
Tracklist
| 7. | 4 AM | 5:05 |
Lyrics
I wear the night like a shroud
The light illuminates my face
My life means nothing
I merely perpetuate the agony of existence
I have no reason to stay awake
But here I am in a cloud of smoke
The stinging cold my face
It makes me feel like I'm alive
It makes me feel like I am dying alone
Everything feels numb
Take one look in the mirror
Before ascending back up to your cell
The anger and fear you feel right now-
In the face of a man who wants you dead
-It's only natural
I love you more than I love myself
But there's a line that I must cross to get to you
There is a man that I must kill to get to you
It is myself
I am the trap I set for you
The numbers on the screen,
They don’t mean a thing now
Oh the weeks how they bleed
And I feel my body aging
I can feel my teeth rotting
Seconds tick away
I’m getting older and my time is nearly up
I lie on empty laurels coveting from a distance
and I want to know why I can’t just move
to find another reason why I can’t jump off
I swear it’s not a sickness
these things they come in whispers
and I’m the one who hears it
and you’re the one who leaves me
Credits
License
All rights reserved.
i am a depressed meat robot that outputs deathcore about how bad i feel all of the time. i write and record all the music, and most unfortunately, i engineer it as well.