Weeds from Long Canyon by Ben Huff and Emily Bark Brown
Tracklist
| 3. | Weeds | 1:10 |
Lyrics
WEEDS
i had a hard time parsing cause and effect. there were times when my body would be sick and i knew i should do something to take care of it, but i was too afraid to go to the doctor or even the urgent care clinic. i was afraid of spending money, and also i didn't have health insurance. and when i saw the litany of tragedy that made up the majority of my internet life, i couldn't find the energy to give my problems any weight.
my friend nel likes to say that the bigger the leak the safer you are. i felt great anxiety about forgetting my passwords. i worried that they were too simple and that if discovered they would reveal my stupidity. but i couldn't remember any of the strong passwords that i made up. eventually i began writing them down on a piece of paper i kept in the top drawer of my desk. this didn't seem any safer, though maybe it was.
my whole life i had been terrified of getting in trouble. i was afraid of consequences so i did whatever i could to avoid them. this was apparent in my love life. i was so afraid of being rejected that i never made the first move, or when i did i would couch it in a joke. i clung to the lifeline of plausible deniability. i would love to deny my whole life.
