Birdsong from Narcissus by beholding

(lots of lyrics inspired by t.s. eliot 'ash wednesday)

i want to try and explain

i’ve been obsessed with my own dreams
haunted by a fantasy
i would pray for this to reach me
then slowly i did know
i got exactly what i wanted
in your bedroom in the morning
the suffocating memory

the lie brightly stares
somewhere behind your eyes
so distantly beautiful
if only i could fly oh every
minute that we spent just hangs
in the dead stand of time
you said my eyes looked mesmerizing
like i'd never been alive

remember we drove out to the city
mountains only yawning

in the empty sighing streets

a life of ancient longing
you said you know life as an echo
from the truth out in the stars
i hate these metaphors for life
really i hate the way things are

i’ve heard that time is always time

and place is always place

and what’s real is only real

only one time and one place

and i have heard we must be this way
i know i will not know
i wish that i remembered nothing
felt nothing at all

but then where is the mercy in extending
this universe of sound?
I hear ringing in my ears
and still no understanding

well that’s enough i hear ringing
and still no understanding
in your bedroom in the morning
staying is always leaving

so i do not hope to turn around
i do not hope at all

i do not hope to see you again

at the spring or at the fall

why should the bird fly in the morning
and sing its morning song?

why should i gently mourn the loss

when i was losing all along?

now i pray that God has mercy
now i pray that i forget
everything i think about

i do now regret
too much to explain

in a letter or a song

i hope these words are enough
what is done is done

my wings are not wings to fly
just arms outstretched and falling

and screaming like an engine

like the birdsong in the morning

but what’s that noise what’s the wind doing?
the wind outside the door
this howling in my mind
says i can’t do this any more

will it feel like this forever?
i can’t do this again

will it feel like this forever?
i can’t do this again
will it be like this forever?
i don’t want to play pretend
what was once forgotten
will be forgotten again
will it be like this forever?
i can’t do this again

ill it be like this forever?
i can’t do this again

it goes on and on forever

one slow resounding score
somewhere you won’t follow me
won’t follow me any more

(I decided to write a letter to God)

• Alternative
• drone
• lo-fi
• shoegaze
• slowcore
• Kamloops