meltdown from CRYathlon by beet-wix

halfway in between sentences on the couch
I sit staring at the shifting patterns in the carpet
just hoping no one will talk to me

my eyes are wide open,
but that doesn't mean I can say anything
as I sit there I think, I'm probably ageing myself
with how much I scrunch up my face all of the time
so I release any tension from the jaw, the forehead, the tongue,
until I melt away beneath the cushions of the couch,
where I will soon become

a camouflaged mound of flesh who no one will recognise

speaking in a monotone voice avoids the drain of intonation
it’s better than sitting in silence at least
I parse dark remarks together while my dehydrated lips purse together
and I sit and wait wondering...
when I can finally go home

when I did get back,
I remembered to floss and brushed my teeth
took my makeup off while staring into the sink
rinsed my face and then just tried not to
think… too much

then I sat on the floor against my drawers
with my knees drawn in close grit and clenched my jaw and thought
what on earth am I supposed to do, now?

I’m stuck thinking thoughts
I know I shouldn’t think
I felt fine before
now I hate everything

hide behind my door
no one sees what’s happening
was quiet before
now it’s all exploding

• Electronic
• chaotic
• chiptune
• nintendo ds
• noise
• overwhelming
• peaceful
• spoken word poetry
• Dunedin