Encircling from Subneural II by Aerial Resonance
I didn’t ever feel to be the crucial point of someone or something. It never fit me…
If ever something like this happened in my social life I felt surrounded. I didn't know how to deal with it, as my life as I structured it, with all my activities like sports, music, studying and my work wouldn't let anyone focus around me. Life never was about me or someone else. Life for me was about the activities, for the fun I have for the good and the bad things that you experience in life. Therefore I didn't know the reason why people did this, living their life fully focused on one single person.
I always felt that friendships are the most valuable thing to have in life. And that counts in love relationships and friendships in total.
So why would I throw those buddies of mine under the bus only for one single Individuum?
Haven't most of my friends guided me along the path of living for a whole bunch of time?
When I got this crucial point for them I would be unable to take a clear sentiment. And I would totally draw to myself. I simply could not stand it.
I felt struck down by that. It slowed me down and not knowing how to deal with it made me feel helpless...
But my reaction had cost me those relationships, I’ve let people down and disappointed some although I never wanted to be what they needed me to...
I lost interest in those people because they would not give me a fresh input or give an opposite position to mine.
If I hadn't any purpose to take out of this relationship, what was it worth for me? Would it work for me?
And my mind began circling with these thoughts of why I had been with this person and what I found about her.
And you are unable to grab one clear thought.
And what was I left with? Only thinking about what I want for MY life.
I always cared for those people and truth is, i am bad at hurting them. But I would, for me!
So I had turned completely ignorant to what they wanted and needed. I felt really bad about that.
That never meant that I had been unable to be there for one individual, I’ve always been a mental guidance for my friends, my loved ones and I have always loved to give them my advice and build them up when they needed it the most.
I never struggled with that.
Maybe that is what I expressed when I first met them. Maybe that is what they expected to get from me. Endless empathy for all their struggles.
But at a certain point I couldn't handle it anymore.
I got tired of listening to what bothered them, day in and out.
It was to much for me to take with all that had been going on in my life! So I ended it!
In the end a relationship never should be a one sided thing. It is for all to give. To grow at each other. And in my opinion it should make life more worth living. But you can only achieve this when you get your mind straight and when you do something with your life, being it doing sports, creating stuff or else. You need to channel your emotions and not leave all those thoughts at your partners chest!
I've learned a lot this year. I've learned to listen what I want and need. I still struggle, but I went out of this circle.
It has been a rough but nice year with you guys!
We are stoked to get 2019 started!
Have a nice New year's Eve. We'll celebrate with you!
"ENCIRCLING"
Tracklist
| 4. | Encircling | 5:53 |
